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A Change in Perspective

7/7/2014

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I've always thought these quotes were a load of bollocks.  But (as seems to be happening increasingly lately) I find myself changing my mind.  How apropos.   

I don't like how I've been thinking (and consequently, acting).  In my own eyes I've become whiney and a real complainer.  How very unattractive, not to mention utterly unappealing.  I made a decision I thought was the right one; an opportunity dropped into my lap, so I seized it.  I thought I could work and work and work and not need a break.  Turns out, I'm actually not a machine.  Honestly, that was news to me.   

Saturday night I found myself in a funk for no apparent reason.  I figured it was just because I've been in such a great mood for the past month or so, I was over-due for some storm clouding.  But that was me simply reverting back to an old mindset.  I have been doing so much personal growth over this past year, and even though it's often a struggle, I know it's a healthy change.  So, I let myself delve into what was making me upset; every little thought or desire, no matter how "stupid" or "trivial" I had unconsciously labeled them.  Instead of tamping them down and pretending they don't exist because they're "not important" or "idiotic", I need to recognize and accept them for what they are - for who I am - and, either, let them go, or realize it's ok to live with them.  

And I've realized it's ok to dwell on the good.  I have a habit of always looking at things with a slant eye, expecting the worst (how I won the "Optimist" award in 8th grade, I have no idea).  It's a defense to keep myself from being hurt by disappointment.  But in protecting myself from disappointment, I'm also keeping myself from complete joy in any endeavor I undertake.  Yes, I made a decision that turned out to be a lot tougher than I expected.  That happens - maybe I just haven't experienced it much in my life yet, which is why it has been so jarring.  Good decisions can still have consequences or negative side effects.  But I need to stop focusing on the pain and hardship and enjoy the blessings, for they are myriad.  

I never understood how one could "pick their thoughts".  I always believed you thought what you thought. How could you choose what popped into your mind? I now imagine it's not so much picking what thoughts you have, as selecting which thoughts you choose to entertain for any length of time.  Say I have a negative thought that pops up.  I should acknowledge and accept it, then let it go, instead of stewing in it and letting it color all my thoughts and actions for the rest of the day.  

You know what's going to be REALLY fun? Sticking to this when I'm drunk.
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Paint Changes Everything

6/21/2014

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When I knew I'd be moving, it was very bittersweet.  While I was ready for a new living space, I was sad I wouldn't be living above Hibernia and right in the middle of the city, within walking distance of work, theatres, and rehearsals.  I'd be spending a significant amount of time of each precious day simply commuting.  

You know what? I don't mind any of that! I enjoy the commute home each night, because it feels like I really am going Home.  It's funny to feel the difference between my neighborhood and heading to work in the middle of Times Square - smelly, sticky, hot, and full of obnoxious tourists.  I was stressed last night and just wanted to sit in my backyard and have a few drinks, and that's exactly what I did! It's healthy for me to be surrounded by greenery and living, thriving plants.  

We are slowly but surely settling in.  Heidi has painted the livingroom and kitchen.  I've (finally) figured out what I want to do with the bathroom, so that will be next.  I still need to decide a paint color for my bedroom, and after it's painted I can put up my artwork and figure out what I'm going to do for "closet" space.  
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Heidi hard at work!
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Her new favorite perch :)
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Beautiful and yellow!
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I love it!
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A nice, sandy color. I came home vacation to be greeted by a lovely, freshly painted living room.
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Strider loves the new couch as much as I do!
I took a contemporary dance class for the first time the other day, and it was terrific! I really loved how organic it was and how you crafted a story based on the movement - in Theatre dance, oft times the dance is created around the song's story.  This was new and exciting for me, and I look forward to taking more contemporary classes in the future.  

I also am going to be face painting at FAO Schwartz! I'm very excited to be painting again, and I've wanted to paint for FAO for a while.  

Also, I'm happy to be able to offer a special rate for Queen of the Night reservations this summer, Sundays-Thursdays! If you're interested, contact me at julia@queenofthenightnyc.com.  
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QLC

3/15/2014

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Last week I found out I'd been rejected for the lottery housing I'd been in the running for since August last year.  Major bummer.  I really thought I'd get this awesome and affordable 1 bedroom in a brand new luxury building in my same neighborhood and I'd be set for my future here in NYC.  Hah.  Silly Julia.  

When I found out, I was pretty upset - I'm not sure "devastated" is quite the word, but definitely crushed.  Suddenly, I found myself reeling under a tidal wave of confusion about what I'm even doing with my life. I dub those 32ish hours my Quarter Life Crisis.  

I am so thankful for my friends that I chatted with at length; their input and sharing really helped me come to terms with my situation and feelings of confusion/over-whelmedness over this crazy little thing called Life.  

I also discovered (much to my chagrin), I can't do everything.  GASP! WAH?! I know.  It surprised me, too.  I've always been Ms. Multi-tasker, taking on everything all at once.  Well, I realized this week that I don't NEED to tackle my projects in one fell swoop; and, in fact, I've been needlessly over-stressing myself by doing just that.  Let me elucidate.

This week, I'm taking on a slightly higher position at work - filling in for a woman who's on vacation.  It involves a lot of detail, and I've been super nervous about the whole thing, but also very excited.  I also found out I didn't get the lottery housing and (for some reason) decided I needed to 1. Find an apartment and 2. Move in by April.  What?!  Instead of focusing on my top priority (successfully filling in at work), I was pulling myself in all sorts of crazy directions and getting engulfed by the stress.  Thankfully, the night before I took over, I got my head on straight. 

I realized it's OK not to cram my life trying to do everything all at once.  I'm the one putting these ridiculous pressures on myself - and needlessly!  Something that's come up frequently the past several week is that "busy" isn't necessarily good OR productive.  I can't begin to describe how true I've found this to be! 

 I'm endeavoring to give myself grace and peace, and not worry about everything all at once.  I found this picture on pinterest, and found it incredibly apt for
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Defeating the Everyday Boredom

1/12/2014

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If I had a defining phrase describing my childhood, it would be "I'm bored."  I said it All. The. Time.  Ask my mother.  When I moved to New York, I told myself, "If you're ever bored, it's your own damn fault."

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The Ethicality of Zoos and Aquariums

12/16/2013

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Growing up, I LOVED going to zoos. I thought they were the coolest thing ever.  But even as my child-self gazed in awe and wonder at the myriad of creatures, I felt a pang of sadness that such beasts were locked up.  I rationalized my unease by claiming the animals have a better life in captivity than they do in the wild: they're safe, have medical treatment, and food is handed to them - no need to hunt and face hunger from possible failure.  I like to think the animals are taken care of by people who truly care and love them.  But even when people really do care and want the best for the animals, sometimes the funds aren't there - and I have seen some cages that had no business holding the animals they did.  It's sickening.  Yes, you can argue that zoos are an important learning experience for the children of today, but is that what we want to be teaching them? To capture and put living, feeling, thinking creatures in cages for our amusement?  It's appalling. 

Wolves and moose may have seemingly lovely, large enclosures, but these man-made habitats don't even come close to the hundreds of miles they would traverse in the wild.  And aquariums - seeing dolphins and Orcas in tiny pools of shallow water just makes my heart constrict.  What are these small tanks compared to the vast, diverse ocean? And the people working at these places are often so ignorant
- spewing false "facts" to the public that management has told them to keep up public relations; ie. Orcas live for 25-30years in captivity, which is longer than their life in the wild would be.  WRONG! Wild Orca bulls can live to be over 60, and cows often reach 100 years! And less than 1% of wild Orca dorsal fins flop over, despite being 6-8 feet tall, whereas in captivity, nearly 100% of bull Orca dorsals are flopped (there's debate over the cause, but it's thought to be a sign of poor health/depression, and diet). 

And something I never thought about was HOW the animals got to the zoo or aquarium in the first place.  Yes, many are born there - but where did their parents or grandparents come from? They were hunted, captured, ripped away from their own families, brought over continents,
and thrown in with different animals to be a "family".  This is wrong, plain and simple.  How could anything like this be right or worth the pain, suffering, and trauma caused to the animals for the "betterment" or "education" of the human race? In no healthy world should this EVER be acceptable. 

I highly urge you to watch the documentary on killer whales entitled Black Fish.  I stumbled across it on Netflix, and it broke my heart and made me burn.  They showed one of these hunts.  There is no question whales are sentient, thinking, feeling creatures - they worked to trick the hunters in an effort to save their babies, but with advanced technology on the side of their enemy, there was no escape: mindless, merciless slaughter to get to the calves and rip them from their mothers, who wouldn't leave them and were CRYING out.  We would never allow this savage hunting and kidnapping of other humans, so why is it forced upon other species just so we can go see the animal do silly tricks and splash us with water at a SeaWorld show?

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A Moral Dilemma

11/13/2013

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My former bosses from Instinct took me to a screening of a movie - The Ghosts in Our Machine.  It was a look into factory farming, for food and fur, and it was the first movie of it's kind I'd ever seen.  It was incredibly well done, with a compelling story and nice ebb and flow of graphic/hard to handle images followed by images from Farm Sanctuary - an organization that rescues animals from factory farms. 

Both my Instinct bosses are vegan, and I'd never thought about veganism until meeting them.  I don't think I could ever go full vegan, but talking to them and being opened up to this whole new world, I've gained a greater awareness and knowledge of the plight animals are forced into.  For instance, I had no idea they have fur factory farms - raising foxes, raccoons, minks, etc. simply to kill them for their pelts.  I've always loved the way fur feels, but in my naivete I'd assumed they'd been hunted from the wild, not raised in a cruel existence bound for slaughter as soon as they were large enough.  You can be sure I won't be wearing real fur again! And even if meat is certified as "grass fed" "free range" and "organic" doesn't mean they have a better situation/are treated more humanely than in a factory farm.

While I'm not planning on going full-vegan, I am interested in trying out many different vegan products - see how their meat substitutes taste, find some vegan recipes and try to eat that way a few times a week.  I may switch my dairy habits over to completely vegan options and see if that helps with my allergies.  My bosses were extremely helpful in providing info on products they like and where to get them.  They recommend Whole Foods - but pretty much any good grocery store should have vegan options.To be honest, I'm not sure if being vegan truly changes anything in this world.  They say every little bit helps, but I don't see the factory farm machine leaving our culture anytime soon, if ever.

As I'm experiencing this new awareness, I find it seeping into other aspects of my life. 

I am a huge makeup person - I'm doing it more and more as a paying job, and it's great.  I went into MAC yesterday to look for a new liquid foundation and on a whim asked if they were cruelty free.  The saleslady assured me they are, and continued to cover my face in some fantastic products I really liked.  This morning, I decided to do a little checking - I usually don't take one person's word as the end all on any subject.  And guess what I found out? MAC DOES animal test! They hadn't until about a year ago, but since China REQUIRES animal testing, to market their makeup line to the Chinese, they've started mutilating bunnies.  This makes me so angry - that a once cruelty-free company turns to animal cruelty for more profit.  Obviously, they didn't NEED to test on bunnies to prove it was safe for human skin, but because China has some fucked up laws, they started doing cruel experiments on animals.  Maybe the saleslady was just ignorant of the change in policy, but I'm still angry at being lied to.

So, this little incident prompted a search at companies that do and don't test on animals.  And holy cow - it's insane some of the companies that do animal testing!  Here's just a few of them: major makeup companies (MAC, Revlon, Oley, L'Oreal, Mary Kay, Avon, Estee Lauder, to name a few), CLOROX!, SC Johnson, Johnson and Johnson,
Puffs, Proctor and Gamble (Head and Shoulders, Ivory, Herbel Esssences, Febreze, Crest, Downey, etc), Dove, Dial, Coppertone, Mr. Clean, and Ponds, to name a few.  For a complete list, go here.  If you're interested in making a change, here's a list of companies that do NOT animal test. 

Not gunna lie, even doing a bit of research on this topic this morning, it's ridiculous trying to find the truth - different sites and people argue whether certain brands are or aren't cruelty free.  And even though I'm not seeing Inglot on the PETA list, everything I'm finding says that they are cruelty free.  And while yes, it is a hassle, an annoyance, trying to find cruelty free makeup, I encourage you to google search animal makeup testing.  It's graphic, so I'm not posting it here, but it's something to keep in mind next time you're at the makeup counter.

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Team Ranger for the Win!

10/31/2013

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What a crazy busy few weeks I've had! It's been absolutely terrific having so much on my plate.  Hansel and Gretel opens Saturday and runs until January 4th.  I finished up Tough Cookies.  I began rehearsal for Reindeer Monologues.  I've been working on new songs and monologues for audition season, and have been taking new classes.  Some exciting new prospects are on the horizon.

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Liver Disease - No Fun for Anyone

9/27/2013

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I can't believe it's been over a month since I last wrote.  So much has been happening - a trip to the Hamptons, friends and family visiting, an amazing trip to Boston, my rm moving out, having to search for a new apt, jobs, and my cat being sick.  Instead of writing one stupidly long post, I'll break them up into more manageable and entertaining segments. But I'm going to begin with the one weighing most heavily upon my heart.

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Oh, Most Heavenly Cookbooks!

8/15/2013

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It's been devilishly beautiful the past few days - nearly fall-like, my absolute favorite time of year.  The crisp bite to the air, the not-scalding sunshine, the trees turning vibrant hues, the chance to buy a new sweater and venture forth into the world snug in a favorite scarf. 

Yesterday I was finally able to get out of bed and into ballet class - with no friend motivation! I got to see The Nance, starring Nathan Lane, for free since it was being filmed for PBS.  After the show, I read in Bryant Park for a bit (though I couldn't help thinking the square lawn would be better used as a equestrian jumping field. Sigh.), then met up with another friend for the Kinky Boots lottery (which we didn't win, alas).  To cheer ourselves up, we took dinner at Chez Josephine as part of Restaurant Week, something I'd never participated in before, but so glad I finally had the opportunity! It was absolutely scrumptious, and I felt very grown up, drinking my wine, eating my steak, being all awesome-like. 

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Let's Talk Calories, Shall We?

8/7/2013

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This past month and a half has been a whirlwind journey of self-discovery.  Some of it scary, some exciting, some unnerving, but on the whole it's been amazing to realize new things about myself and learning to find acceptance in that.  I will not divulge all, but I wanted to share something I found fascinating.

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    Actress, Singer, Dancer, Food Enthusiast, Animal Lover, Writer.

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