I've come to realize I'm quite a solitary person. I don't know why it hit me this week, when it's something I've known for quite some time. But this past week I had the chance to hang out and chat with multiple friends, some new, some from college days of yore, and it was nice. Getting coffee with a new friend and talking business reinvigorated me, sparked my imagination for things I could do/apply to my life and business. Another friend crashed on our couch for a few days - it was great hanging out with him, watching tv, drinking milkshakes together. I went to a friend's performance out in Queens and ran into another friend. We had a lovely chat and made plans to get together and I even get to do some facepainting. Turns out she wanted a facepainter for her birthday party, but didn't know anyone. Then we randomly meet at a common friend's event and it just so happens to come about that I facepaint and that Friday night is the only night I'm not busy this week. Crazy stuff. You never know what you can do for other people, or how they can help you.
It all has just been making me think that I definitely don't do enough to keep up with friends. I think I only have a few really close friends, but if I made an effort I bet a lot of other people I know WOULD become close. Duh. Novel thought, Julia. Instead of missing my good friends that moved away from NYC, it's time to focus on my friends that DO live here. Life is all about connections, and you never know what you can do for other people until you get to know them. I think in college I felt that people only wanted to party, and that was the only way to know them better, yet I wasn't into the whole party scene. But I know plenty of people who are just as happy grabbing a coffee or simply hanging out, no alcohol or expensive entertainment needed.
I think one reason I've become so solitary is my fear of rejection. I used to put myself out there, invite people to do things, and I was constantly being let down, so I gradually retreated into my shell. I'd become sick of excuses and disappointed hopes. I was fine there, happy even. But now it's time to poke my head back out and start living a slightly more social life.
I've often heard people say to surround yourself with positive, like-minded people. I never really knew what that meant, and just assumed, "Of course I hang out with people I like - they like the same things as me, what's the problem?" But I've started to understand what they meant. People who are passionate about what they do, even if it's not quite the same line of work as you, can get you fired up about your own chosen career path. I have my own face painting business, and a friend who is in business gave me a new view on things. He didn't necessarily tell me anything I hadn't heard before, but the way he said it finally made things click - I heard them in a new way and finally understood! It was terrific. And exciting :) It got my creative juices flowing again, something I find sorely lacking ever since moving to NYC. I love bouncing ideas around, even if it's not about me, but helping someone else figure things out. My friends are all wonderful, terrific, talented, creative people. The more I put myself in that atmosphere, the more I feel revived - and who knows what wonderful projects we'll create together!
Something my rm and I talked about last night, and it kept coming up this past week in my own life in little ways, is the stigma of not telling people how we really feel. I think Americans are a very closed in/reserved lot when it comes to feelings and emotions, especially compared to some cultures. We may love our friends and family, but we generally just brush off saying anything by assuming they know already. We don't say, "Hey, I love you. You mean the world to me" because, that would be awkward or embarrassing. We'll think they'll take it in a weird way. My rm was out of town for a week visiting family, and on her way back to NY I got a text from her saying she couldn't believe it's over but she's on her way back to NYC and she loves me. I was taken a bit aback, but thought, "Well, it's true. We do love each other. Guess we're close enough to say it now." So I texted back saying I was excited to see her again, hoped her flight goes smoothly and that I love her too - because I didn't want to be one of those people who leaves the other party hanging by not saying they love them back. She then texted that I had gotten copied onto a mass text to her family, but it's true, she does love me. We had a good chuckle about the whole thing, and it's nice to know she subconsciously considers me family.
Now, I've been talking about actually saying "love", but that comes in so many more forms that just saying the words. There are so many ways to express your love/appreciation/excitement/joy to have that person in your life - find the ways that aren't uncomfortable for you. Or, just for kicks and giggles, chose the uncomfortable route and see what happens - I bet it won't be as disastrous as you think.
So, it's time for this gal to get out there. Make an effort. Step outside my comfort zone. Spend time with people. Be there for them. And not be afraid to let them know I love them.