There seems to have been two common threads that have been woven into my everyday life for the past week - building relationships and creating my own work.
It makes me sick to realize I woke up on a beautiful Easter day and was feeling sullen and irritable and most unthankful for what I have been given. My whole life is a blessed gift and I don't suffer like many people in the world. Yes - we all have our own burdens and stories, but I have it pretty good, and I need to be mindful of that and adjust my attitude accordingly. Sure, I can be upset that my roommate left a sink full of dishes for me to clean up - but if that's all I have to complain about living with another person, I pretty well have it made. I need to be a more gracious and accepting person than I am, and look beyond my petty irritations to cultivate meaningful relationships with people. I mean, maybe this is all in my head, and I'm probably a bit better than I think I am (we are our own worst enemy), but it definitely couldn't hurt being more mindful of the way I treat others - people I know and strangers on the street (Lord, give me patience with those gawking tourists). I am too often stuck in my comfort zone and have trouble talking to new people and making anything more than passing acquaintances. There are so many people in the world I should get to know. Because, this business is all about who you know. And not just for my career, but for me/my life - I would like more people who love and care about me for me, not for what I can do for them - and I would like more people to get to know and grow to care about in their own right.
People in this business are constantly saying that you need to just make your own work. Get together with some friends and put something together. Just Do Something! My friend Mike just up and created his own company and is putting on a show, Mr. Marmalade. Because, why not? As I am constantly reminded, I often over think and over analyze things. I see so much of the picture at once that it can become overwhelming and too daunting a task to undertake. But I was reminded by a dear friend the other day - I can do anything. If I set my mind to something, I can absolutely achieve it. And it may sound like cliche drivel - but it's true. Whatever I am passionate about, I know I will succeed. And I certainly know enough talented, wonderful people with whom I'd love work who would help me out.
What's been standing in my way is actually coming up with what I want to do. The first thought I had was to do a production of the musical Little Women - because I absolutely want to play Jo and if no one will cast me in it, why not do it myself? Well, that idea pretty much ended before I had barely thought it. That is one undertaking that would be too much to handle at the moment. Or would it? Probably, yes. But, it got me thinking about other shows I would like to do - smaller in scale, less components, a straight play, perhaps. Still a massive task? Yes. Expensive*? You bet. And enormous amount of work? Oh yeah. Impossible? Not quite. It is still an almost overwhelming thought, but one I could actually see happening. And that's exciting. Well, exciting and scary :P Of course, I'm waiting to see where this audition season will end up, and hopefully great things will happen. But if by God's good will nothing happens this go 'round, the wheels, they are a turnin'.
*So, just throwin' this out there for future ponderance - what are those sites that let you create a page for people to donate money to a cause. I know about kickstarter - but if you don't reach your goal, the money already raised goes back to everyone who donated. I thought there was a site where you could just collect money for a cause and keep however much was donated, even if you didn't reach your ideal goal.
"It's all so simple: relax, let go, let fly. o someone tell me - why can't I?"