Then I got a little annoyed/discouraged that this ALWAYS seems to happen. I feel like I start to slack off, get complacent, fall into a sedentary routine, then I'll see a show or be performing again and it'll kick me back into gear. I realized tonight that it's OK that motivation ebbs and flows. When it IS there, grab it and run! Don't feel discouraged because you have to jumpstart yourself and your goals and dreams YET AGAIN - at least you're still able to get revved up about whatever you're pursuing!
Whenever I get my motivation mojo back, I always get on the one-track-mind of "I need more discipline and focus." If I just work at it harder, think about it solely, then I won't lose track again.
This time I've realized, I need a plan - I can't just SAY I'm going to do these things, because it's all too easy to forget, or get sidetracked, or simply cheat myself. I've realized over the years that I'm not one for concrete commitment - I like keeping my options open.
--Eat cleaner, dance more, try Muay Thai, and if that's not for me, then find a regular kickboxing class. Hone my skills, become the best I can be, because I'm in this for the long haul, and someday, it's gunna be me on that stage. I want to be graceful and strong and beautiful and lithe, and flexible, jumping like a stag, perching like a cat, with the strength of a bear but light as a swan.--
These are all too broad - something I've always struggled with. I need to make trackable goals, otherwise I'll start out towards my goal but become discouraged and fall by the wayside because I can't see any progress. Yes, I have the mentality where if I want something, I'll do it - but I've found I've been using that as an excuse NOT to try things, too. If I don't feel that unshakeable "impulse", then I figure I already CAN'T accomplish it, so why bother? But this (I believe), is another instance of selling myself short.
Let's take eating cleaner. I eat out of boredom, and frustration. Not good. I also have this trick where I can think and fantasize about food so much I make myself full. But I think I've also begun doing that and making myself think I actually ATE everything I'm thinking about so that's why I'm feeling fat and not toned, even though I KNOW I'm not "fat". So, if I actually DID eat, only when I was hungry, and only lean, healthy meals, I think I could help myself out of with weird little debilitating quirk.
Now, let's set a goal that would be relatively easy to accomplish - 3 days. Would it really kill me to follow a strict regimen for three days? No. With a little bit of planning and focus, it'd be easy. I think it would also help me if I wrote out WHY I wanted to eat cleaner/results I expect:
-Feel better (physically and just as a better person, knowing I'm not putting processed junk through my system)
-More energy leads to better focus
How do I accomplish this? Grocery shop for three days worth of meals - carefully reading labels to make sure they don't have any unpronounceable crap, stocking up on fruits and veggies. I've never liked to plan out recipes days in advance, because how do I know what I'll want to eat that day? But if I picked up staples for some healthy recipes, have everything on hand already, I can be prepared to make some healthy meals, while still leaving my options open. I would also need to make sure I have healthy little snacks on hand (like making my own mix of almonds and cranberries) so I don't break down and snack on the tasty little treats my rm brings home (cereal bars, chocolates, etc. My will is so weak when it's easy and convenient :P). Also, if I think I'm hungry, drink a huge glass of water (or two!) before I reach for the goodies. If I'm truly hungry, all well and good. At least I'll be getting more water in my system either way - something at which I'm notoriously bad.
So, eating well, that's pretty easy to set a goal and track. Why do I have such trouble making track-able goals in other areas of my life? I become stagnant and seem to sit on my laurels instead of DOING something. It's like this video says - just decide! WHY do I have such trouble doing that? Why is it so hard to figure out what I actually DO want?
I took my first Muay Thai class last night. It was a free introductory class at Evolution Muay Thai on 27th street, and I really enjoyed it! Of course, I've never felt like more of a dancer in my life - in a room with all of these obvious hard-core workout people, there I was :P Someone even commented on my ballet training - hah! It was funny, but nice. And what a workout! Everyone was super nice and helpful - taking it slow with me and giving good pointers on stance, placement, and form. I definitely feel like I was made well for boxing - it felt so...right. Of course, I wound up hurting my left foot. During the drills I accidentally kicked and connected with the top of my foot instead of my shin. Ouch. I've been icing and putting various medicated creams on it - hopefully it's not seriously injured. Wah Wah. And I can sure feel it in my arms today! It's great.
We got home last night (Carolyn went with me - I'm so glad she did!), and I started the chicken marinating for a new recipe then hit the shower. I'd found a new recipe that was pretty simple, and I had all the ingredients already on hand. Score! We ate the four chicken pieces...and were still famished. We then had two cereal bars (shame on me - but I haven't officially started my healthy eating yet!), and were still hungry. We shared a can of soup (not as healthy as home made soup, but it's all we had on hand). We were still a bit peckish, so I made lactose free chocolate milk, and brought out the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Yeah...Since I'm definitely going to take up some sort of sport like Muay Thai/kickboxing on a regular basis, I gotta make sure to have proper sustenance waiting for me at home!
The recipe was good, but it was reminiscent of my favorite pork chop recipe - a lemon based marinade, but not quite as good as the pork chops. But I bet you'd enjoy it - so here it is:
1 TBLS grated lemon rind
2 TBLS fresh lemon juice
2 TBLS dry white wine
2 TBLS extra virgin olive oil
1 TBLS oregano
1/2 tsp dried dill
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper
1 TBLS minced garlic
4 s/b chicken breasts
1/4 tsp salt
2. Heat up grill - spray w/ cooking spray. Place chicken on grill, discarding the bag and used marinade. Cook 5-6 minutes or until done.
3. Stir salt into the 2 TBLS reserved marinade and place on chicken when served.
Notes: My rm has a panini press that we used, so the chicken cooked on both sides simultaneously and the meal was ready in about 5 minutes (since they were small cutlets). If you don't have one, use whatever you have and cook 5-6 minutes on both sides.
I've given you food for your body, now I leave you with food for thought:
"The initial and important belief is the one you have in yourself. You will not survive--in any profession--if you wait for others to validate your place and your worth. You have to believe that you deserve to be an actor or a writer or anything. Of course you need to work and train and to take advice and criticism, but if you fail to establish your place and your worth, you'll crumble and bend each time you're told you don't matter or you aren't doing well. And this will happen. Many times. So earn your own belief in yourself before you go about asking others to validate you." Marian Seldes/Conversation with James Grissom/1984.